I don’t often read the comics (ever since “The Far Side” ended, it just hasn’t been the same), but today I gave the St. Paul Pioneer Press a thorough rogering and ended up on the funnies. On the last page, right where it was the last time I read it in middle school, was “Fred Basset,” quite possibly the least funny thing in the newspaper. And that includes coverage of our sinking economy and genocidal Rwanda.
To quote Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers on Weekend Update, “Really?!” I mean, really, Fred Basset?! You’re a COMIC strip. Your sole purpose is to be comedic! After reading 40 pages of depressing hard news, all I ask of you is to make me chuckle a little, or at the very least, groan at a silly pun. Yet you do neither, and you never have. You’re a boring, poorly drawn dog with lame owners and even lamer animal friends. Sometimes you force me to make decisions for you. What am I, your goddamn life coach?! If I was, I’d advise you to be put down. Because nothing would make me happier than to see a thought-bubble above your sad puppy-dog eyes that reads “Euthanize me!” And in your place the next week, a new Sudoku puzzle.
