Babies in the Toilet!
I am obsessed with the TLC show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” which is about women who—in case you don’t understand how show titles work—didn’t know they were knocked up until the moment a small living being exited their bodies. Here are some important things I learned from the show:
- Irregular periods may indicate pregnancy
- Unexpected weight gain may indicate pregnancy
- Feeling like you have to poo, but instead pushing a fetus out of your cootch, likely indicates pregnancy
That last point was made obvious by many of the women, who, upon delivery, thought they had to make big potty. One woman even took a laxative, and after sitting on the toilet, screaming and pushing out what she thought was a monster turd, she stood up to flush and sees her new child swimming in the bowl. Congratulations! It’s a girl!
When I was little, after seeing a particularly harrowing episode of Sesame Street, I was scared to sit on the toilet because I thought Grover was in there, and he was going to bite my ass. But now I’m scared for a whole new reason: Babies in the toilet!
